People change and friends fall out. And even best friends can grow apart. If you hadn’t realised, this post is a bit of a personal one today, but I’ve needed to get this off my chest for a while. And what better place to talk about my feelings than my own blog! So with that warning in mind, I’ll understand if you click away now. Maybe check out my travel inspo post for something a bit lighter?
Breaking up with a friend is hard
Yes it is. But what’s even harder, is when you don’t think you are at fault. It’s been about 4 years and I’m still questioning the whole situation. I ask myself all the time if it was me. Was it something I did, something I said? I even asked you directly. And your response: “no, we just grew apart”…
That’s when I knew it wasn’t me. Because no matter what you believe, I reached out to you all the time. Yet I was always greeted with a “no, not right now” or “no, I’m busy”. I’m only guilty of not asking you directly sooner.
You stopped talking to everyone
It made me feel good to know I wasn’t alone. That you had cut everyone else out too and that it couldn’t have just been me that pi**ed you off. But then it had the opposite effect and made me feel worse. It made me feel worse that I was just another person for you to drop. That it was so easy for you to let go of me and our friendship. That I wasn’t important enough for you to keep in your life.
You were my best friend, the one person I spoke to everyday multiple times a day. I spoke to you more than my boyfriend, more than my mum. But still, I was easy enough for you to stop talking to.
And then I felt sad again. Sad to think that you had no one left. If you had cut us all out, all of your closest friends with no one left but those that you had only known for a year or two. Your maid of honour was a friend for all of two years and would have only had stories from the past few years. How sad that must have been to be surrounded by strangers on your wedding day.
But it wasn’t all you, was it?
I don’t blame you for throwing away our friendship. In all honesty I find it hard to believe you came to this decision on your own. That you weren’t manipulated by some other person and forced to stop talking to your friends. Told to stop hanging out with the people that were there for you when he wasn’t. Manipulated to think that we were the problem. The reason why you broke up in the first place.
No, it wouldn’t be fair to say it was all your choice.
I apologised when I first asked if it was me. But now I realise I wasn’t at fault. So I take it back. Why should I apologise for you choosing to cut me out? I don’t need to apologise when I have done nothing wrong. Why should I apologise for reaching out time and time again, despite being shut down and ignored?
And before you say it, I’m not looking for an apology. So don’t worry, I’m not holding my breath. Just like you I’ve moved on too. I don’t need someone like you in my life.
How to deal with the friendship break-up
Some people say that dealing with the break-up of a friend can be just as bad, if not worse than the break-up of a romantic relationship. What makes it harder is that there’s no protocol for dealing with this situation. You break-up with your boyfriend, you talk to your best friend. So who can you talk to in this instance?
Whilst it has been an emotional chapter of my life, I can honestly say that just like anything, it too shall pass. I’ve found comfort in knowing that I have other strong and healthy relationships in my life. If you’re going through something similar, seek out other friends. You should develop healthy relationships with like-minded people. Meet new people and make new friends and just hope that you won’t be let down by anyone you let in again.