This latest Monday Motivation post is inspired by Sarah Knight’s; ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k’. Which was actually inspired by another of my previous discoveries – Marie Kondo’s, ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up’. To summarise, the book was based on the Marie Kondo bestseller. And as the title suggests is a guide on “how NOT to give a f**k”. Obviously a strong connection between the two. Both are perfect for me in that; a) I’m a little OCD… Ok maybe a LOT OCD! And b) everyone needs to be reminded not to give a f**k sometimes.
The sentiment of this book couldn’t come at a more perfect time, as today is the day I turn the big 3 0!! And yes, it’s time I got over things and learned to just not give a f**k so much. So I’ve decided to share my 3 top learnings from the book.
The front cover basically tells you exactly what the book is all about; ‘how to stop spending time you don’t have doing things you don’t want to do with people you don’t like.’ And whilst the initial connotation might seem negative, the premise is actually to encourage you to care less about things you ultimately don’t need to waste your time, energy and/or emotion on.
You need to stop giving a f*ck about what other people think
The first step in learning how not to give a f*ck starts with learning how not to care about what other people think. It sounds like an easy thing to do. But we seem to be innately wired to care about how other’s perceive our choices and actions. The moment you can get over caring what other people think, is the moment you stop being guilty of trying to change for others.
Let’s face it, at some point in our lives we have been guilty of doing something in the hopes that it will please someone else. We’ve all bought a certain dress or top or even pair of shoes because it was the “in style” and God forbid you wore something your friends would not approve of. Or even that time you went to that party for that girl at work you don’t even speak to, but you went anyway because others might think something was up if you didn’t attend.
But seriously, don’t you see how this behaviour is just draining? So there has to be a point where enough is enough. It’s time to just stop giving a f*ck what other people think about you.
This first lesson would have been especially handy for my teenage years, but I don’t think anyone at that age could ever be mature enough to not care about what their peers think.
Sometimes it’s ok to hurt people’s feelings
Again, these lesson’s aren’t about being negative and not caring about the important things in life. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about learning how not to waste time on things you don’t need to waste your effort and emotions on – and instead focus on the things that really matter. That’s not to say that there won’t be times where people’s feelings will get hurt. But as along as your thoughts, words and actions are justified, then it should be ok.
So what if you would rather stay home and watch re-runs of ‘how I met your mother’, rather than go out drinking with a bunch of people you don’t really want to see or speak to. It’s time to stop giving a f*ck and tell that friend you’d rather stay home then go for a drink. Yes they might get upset at you turning them down, but if they’re truly your friend they’ll get over it and let you have your space.
It seems society has forced us to always feel the need to say yes to every invite and deny the fact that sometimes we just want to be alone. But you know what… if a girl just wants to stay in her pjs all day and watch netflix – it’s ok!
Refuse to play the shame game
This last lesson is all about realising that you are not alone. Don’t feel guilt or shame in the thought of not giving a f*ck. Because more likely than not, your friend or family member is thinking the same thing.
I’m sure they’ve all had similar thoughts and just wanted to be able to say ‘f*ck it I don’t want to go out, I’m going home’… How many times have you had your feelings hurt by another, do you think they were too busy giving a f*ck? No, they probably just forgot about it. So why can’t that be the same for you?
I guess the real lesson here is to just accept things as they are and learn to stop giving a f*ck.